A Two Handed Spread.

A spread for when you are of two minds, when your actions don't match your thoughts, or when you are both certain and uncertain.

Mix up the cards well and good, letting the randomness of the universe in to play. When it is done, spread the cards out face down, close your eyes, and pass your hands over the array.

You will be using both hands for this spread. One of those hands is more likely to write and take the lead on things. The other sits back and supports. Decide which is which and continue.

Let your writing hand seek the knowledge that your conscious mind needs. This is the part of you that thinks it knows everything. It speaks in a small voice that it amplifies into an authority. It says that it’s in charge. Take care of this voice. It is very vulnerable and usually scared. It needs your love. Let your hand find a card that will let you protect and guide this part of you.

Pick your card and set it aside face down.

Let your silent hand seek the knowledge that you need deep down. While your conscious mind is talking, there is another part of you that is taking in the world. This part does not speak in words, but if you pay attention, you will find its soft voice reverberates in your bones and breath. This part will do what it will. Know that it loves you. Let your hand find the card that will help you earn its trust.

Pick your card and set it aside face down.

Put the rest of the deck back together, ordering the universe around you again.

Turn your two cards over at the same time.

A Church Without A Roof

©Robert Potts

Redwoods are a communal species. While they can grow from seed, more often they grow from shoots sent up from the roots of older trees. They form communities growing together in various arrangements. Whatever architectural style the trees choose, semicircle or something else, there is a distinctive feel to a cathedral of redwoods that isn't present in a grove or stand. I mean, sometimes you come up to a bunch of redwoods and they're just a bunch of redwoods, nice and beautiful. And other times you walk in and your whole spirit is lifted to heaven.

The Spread of Darkness

The way of depression is the sinking into that which is below, where Malkuth, the realm of the physical plane becomes even more of itself. There is treasure here. Having the dark places be a part of you, means being the movement for that which is more still, the truth for that which holds its secrets close, the fire for that which has found itself fallen.

But how can we come to do that?

At the top of the Tree, above Kether, there are three bright emanations, waves of light that gain in their lightness as they move out of our ability to perceive even the hint of their existence. These are the ain, the ain soph, and the ain soph aur if you’re googling. 

They are mirrored in a darkness that lies along the farther shore, the deeper shore.

The Deal:
Pick three cards using any method you want. Lay them out as your heart desires.

The Bright Darkness
What we know but cannot see or say. What brought us to this place, the reason we are here at this time, asking this question.

The Thick Darkness
Here the body moves through dense time, resistance, apathy, forgetfulness, disconnection. There are things we would be free of if we could.

The Grace at the Bottom
Total release, where our faith lies (you might be surprised) and where we rest and remember and find ourselves whole again.

In living with depression, we have few life affirming ways to work with the still, hopeless, stagnant energies we find ourselves straddled with. And most of the advice for how to deal with depression center on getting as far away from those energies as possible. 

That would be lovely if we had the energy to get off the couch. Depression is a dampening, a forced going in that can feel like a prison. The idea of getting away sounds like too much trouble because our energies are too drained, too attenuated. 

But there is still energy to be had. There is still the possibility of movement. There is still some note of volatility that can be sensed, its intelligence listened to. Though often it speaks of sad things, and meaningless things, and loneliness, it can still be the fuel for alchemical change. 

There are processes available in deep depression. Putrefaction, the sloppy, sluggy process that turns whatever is weak and futile into jelly, needs no more energy than using a remote or checking messages on your phone. 

If you find you have some heat, perhaps a bit of anger at your lot, or an itch of dissatisfaction, or anything that makes you want to move, you might try one of the deeper fermentations. Rather than letting your resentments merely simmer, let them bubble up like yeast, bringing air and light into the depression.

Meditations:
Awareness

Fresh Fruit